Britney Spears wants to star in another movie. She’s currently reviewing a script of a movie in which she’d play a modern-day german jew who goes back in time and falls in love with a concentration camp prisoner.
Offensive for some people, probably. But the movie itself is just one thing. Then there’s all the speculation that sick fucks like me might engage in as to what exactly Britney Spears might bring to such a movie.
Day 1 of filming.
Director: Welcome to the filming of my movie, Britney. You’ve arrived in a red vinyl omnitard, why have you done this
BritBrit: Thanks!
Director:
BritBrit: I think this is my best costume ever, don’t you think? It’s from mah videoh.
Director: (whispering) god she looks disgusting BRITNEY, have you memorized your lines for this scene? Actually all you do in this scene is sob uncontrollably for seven minutes.
BritBrit: SAWB? I tried to read some of it and it seemed really boring, and I couldn’t really use my previous acting experience much at all. So I thought that a little (now flailing her hair and limbs around) *unts* and *ung* would add something to it.
Director: Dear god why did I cast you this is not going to stop is it
Day 2 of filming
Director: Okay, not bad, this is much better, Britney. You’re actually pretty good at sobbing wildly, especially after we refused to bring you 5000 vicodin
BritBrit: *sniffle*
Director: in this next scene we really want you to bring the angst, sadness, general strife
BritBrit: We should make this movie more like bring it on 2. I practiced crumping for a while last night and I’m really getting good *untsunts* (director is getting slapped limply)
Director: Fucking fine, you can crump for 15 minutes, but afterwards you really have to bring the auschwitz.
BritBrit: *vomits, falls unconscious*
Day 8 of filming
Director: That was quite a coma, Brit. Even the key grip was impressed, and he’s a very cultured man.
BritBrit: (still a bit woozy, but it’s okay it works with the movie) AW, okay.. WHERE ARE MAH BABIEZ
Director: You’ve sent them to Malaysia to tend goats and herd wild boars. You said you wanted them to have the childhood you never had. In Malaysia.
BritBrit: (Staring into middle distance with pained look of confusion)
Director: Just keep your head in the game. The game of making a ridiculous fucking movie that will do nothing but offend and make people uncomfortable
BritBrit: MAH LONELINESS… IS KILLIN’ MEE
KeyGrip: (falsetto) aaand iiii
Day 9 of filming
Director: Okay, I guess we’ve all agreed that we should stop trying to film this and just go home and and have some toast.
BritBrit: I’m a movie starrrrrrrr. I do lahke toast
Director: I think we’ve all learned some important lessons here in these very, very long nine days. I choose not to list any.
STAR WIPE
I can’t even tell if I want this movie to actually get made. Cousin Hoyt, what do you desire?
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